side-effects

I am so tired of the drugs the docs give me. I beg them to find ones that don't make me gain more weight! Well, that is futile. Every time they add a new one, I cringe. I refuse to take it and then I seem to become more ill. So, rock and a hard place. Which road do I travel. Ten different pills and steroids, to boot, or be miserable and wait for the inevitable as my organs start to shut down.

I try to convince myself it is better to be well. But, then I ask the doc "What is the choice? Die from my overlapping autoimmune diseases or from obesity?" They never have an answer. They just keep typing into that computer, looking incredibly important and too busy to justify the reason they just gave me a second death trap.

I don't even recognize myself, nor do others. When I see a pic, so often, I gasp. But, in the middle of my pity party, feeling sorry for myself, my husband tells me he loves all of me. That I am cushiony and comfortable to cuddle with. And, HE is the reason I will add those pounds to stay alive. In sickness and in health, we will get through this, too.

And, when those grandkids crawl all over me, just wanting my attention, it makes it worth it.

hmm Hannah went blonde and back.